Insecurity, Pain & Victory

Insecurity, Pain & Victory

Saturday night I was sitting at a friends house watching Entourage the movie. After the movie, I browsed my facebook newsfeed and came across profile picture update from an old buddy from school days of mine back then in 7-9 grade.

He never posts anything on facebook so I took a look at his profile. I was surprised he was jacked, looked happy and was in a relationship with a girl. I was pleasantly surprised.

I remember when were studied together he was overweight, had long hair, wore black clothes. He was a pretty quiet guy, played video games and listened to heavy metal. A couple of asshole bullies used to call him a girl and faggot all the time. I checked those assholes facebook profiles and needless to say I wasn’t impressed, they became exactly what bullies become: losers. What a cliche.

Me and him had many things in common: we were outcasts, insecure, nonathletic and unpopular kids. We were a good match.

Johnny Depp quote

 

Last time I saw him was in 2008, he just started working at some media company and began dating some girl. It looked like it was starting to going great for him. He actually looked happy.

After checking out his facebook profile I was amazed how big transformation he did on himself. He had pictures of him deadlifting heavy weights , he was smiling, he had an athletic body, he looked cool.

I started thinking wow. How many times you see that, when somebody who was insecure totally changed their life for the better. You make books and movies out of those stories.

Being insecure is a two-way street. You can feed that insecurity and fuck up yourself with seeking comfort in alcohol, drugs, plastic surgery, social status, materialistic things.

Or

You can use that insecurity and build yourself a better life and develop yourself as a person.

How it changed me

I was massively insecure all the way into my twenties. This led me to work on myself.
I just couldn’t accept my insecurities. I just couldn’t. I hated of not having any luck with girls. I hated of not having friends.I hated for being shy around people and needing booze to get me social. I hated to be me.

Me being sad

I knew that if I don’t take care of these problems then,they will become bigger as I get older. This saved me, I understood that time is running and I m not getting any younger.
I had to tackle my insecurities or let them rule my life. In the long run, they helped me to become a better person.

If I wasn’t insecure I would have never tried to meet different girls. I would have never spent years of my life going to clubs and going on lots of dates. I was obsessed not with sex but with being that guy who girls like. I hated what I was: lonely guy without any female friends.
It drove me to develop my personality further and further.

Partying with girls

 

If I wasn’t insecure I would have never done research on nutrition, supplements and vitamins and become such a nutritional nazi. I spent so many hours on trying to find what my body and mind needs to work on the full optimal level.

If I wasn’t insecure I wouldn’t have learned meditation. I was desperate for getting rid of my anxiety and make my mind clearer.

If I wasn’t insecure  I would have never started working out. I had issues with my looks, sometimes I wanted to vomit when I looked myself in the mirror so I maximized my looks to my best knowledge. I like my body these days, I have no problems taking my clothes off in front of a woman 😉

If I wasn’t insecure I wouldn’t have to try to build a big social circle. All those years going to all those parties, befriending different people, going there and there. It eventually paid off, I have friends with whom I have healthy relationships. I also gave a wild run to my liver 😉

If I wasn’t insecure I would have never started playing guitar  in order to prove myself that I can be good at something. Playing in my room for hours paid off, I m proud that I know how to play guitar.

If I wasn’t insecure I wouldn’t have changed my persona into happy party guy. I forced myself to be a happy and outgoing person because that’s how I got friends. Nobody liked the old version of me so changed myself. They say you should be yourself which is true but if your true self is needy and insecure then no, you must change.

Having wild fun

I don’t pretend I m happy all the time anymore, though. That phase went, now I m real and try to be positive person but I don’t try to maintain any image anymore.

I did all those things out of my insecurity. Insecurity fueled me. It was a fire under my ass. I thank my insecurities because without them I wouldn’t be so motivated in life.

Insecurity will make you stand up and make you confront your demons. I had a vision in my mind that all these hard experiences are beneficial for me and make me a better more compassionate man. All this will add confidence in the long run. It did.

Your insecurity

First, you need to admit you´re insecure. That’s how people get treated with addiction problems. Don’t bullshit yourself or try to mask your problems. Attack the problem.

I sucked with women and I admitted it to myself. First, I felt sorry for myself, cried, got depressed then started attacking the problem. When I admitted it I could start working it.
Its´s such a relief when you admit your insecurity. You are free and you don’t have bullshit yourself with clever stories. Embrace it and start working on it.

What is your insecurity? Are you going to work on them?

If you do I wish you good luck and congratulations for taking action. You have guts.

Conan the barbarian

Attack the problem

If you don’t, imagine how you going to feel later in your life. You might get yourself into a bad relationship, you might destroy a relationship. You might get used, you might develop some form an addiction to deal with your pain. You might end up much worse.

Insecurity will affect your life in a negative way if you don’t tackle it. It will come out some way down the road. These things don’t just disappear.
You might not live a life that you wanted to live. You´ll live second or third best life. You will regret that on your deathbed.

I tried to shut down voices in my head ,but quickly realized that sitting at home immersing myself in a safe fantasy world offers small temporary relief, but the next day you feel bad. You start hating yourself for hiding. It will turn into self-loathing.

Sitting in a room alone

Running away from a problem offers a temporary relief, but in the end, you will regret it.

If you need help go to therapy.Find like minded people. Work on your insecurities. Be honest about them. Don’t hide them deep inside because some day they will come out and bite you in the ass.

Conclusion

Like anger use your insecurities as fuel to better yourself. This will be your advantage. It will be your biggest motivator. It will make you work harder than your neighbor. It will make you invent yourself new skills.

You will do things you would have never imagined doing. You will do great things. You will win internal battles nobody knows about. You will shine brightly. You will be on fire.You will triumph.

You will get rejected and fail many times  buts its okay its part of the process. Beating insecurities will be you greatest moments.Insecurity will be the person you hate and love the most. Insecurity will be your friend.